Are you a parent constantly learning and growing alongside your children? Do you sometimes feel overwhelmed by the possibilities and potential, and are confronted with feelings of doubt, anxiety, or impostor syndrome? You might be experiencing what author and executive coach Laura Gassner Otting calls “Wonderhell“. It’s that emotional space we enter when we achieve a challenging goal, only to be faced with even more possibilities that can feel both exciting and intimidating. This is especially relevant to parents who are constantly evolving.
Key Points for Parents
- Embrace Difficult Emotions: Instead of suppressing fear or anxiety, listen to what these emotions are teaching you. Embracing their message can provide valuable insights. Ask yourself, “What is the fear teaching me?” or “What am I afraid of?”
- Reframing: Change your internal dialogue. Reframe negative thoughts into empowering ones to build confidence and encourage growth. Instead of “I’ve never done this before” try thinking “Wow, this is an opportunity to learn something new”.
- Model a Growth Mindset: Don’t be afraid to fail in front of your children. Discussing the lessons learned can help your children develop resilience and understand that failure is a natural part of learning.
- Comfort Over Solutions: Offering comfort rather than solutions to your child’s problems is essential. Kids don’t always want solutions; they want comfort and companionship in their misery.
Redefining Success
Success isn’t a destination, but a journey. Recognize that identity is malleable and embrace neuroplasticity around who you are and who you want to be. Confidence comes from competence, built through consistent effort and progress toward a goal. Lucky people are often optimistic, extroverted, and willing to try new things. Put yourself out there, create connections, and be in the “deal flow”.
Consider what success means to you at different stages. Is it impact, flexibility, or profit? It’s hard to prioritize all three at once; pick what matters most in your current phase of life.
Failure as a Fulcrum
Reframe failure as a fulcrum for growth, not a finale. Help children pre-think potential solutions to problems
without solving the problems for them. Share your own struggles and model how to navigate them. Be authentic about your fears and insecurities so they can be authentic about theirs.
Remember, our kids are watching us. Model how to navigate discomfort, embrace failure, and redefine success on your own terms. By being authentic and sharing our journeys, we create space for our children to do the same. Instead of offering solutions, give comfort and companionship.
